Expanding Joy Coaching

Part of being an eternal being is having an insatiable desire to grow, expand… become a greater, fuller expression of you.   However with that desire to become “more”, often comes a frustration with where you are.  You may experience thoughts like ” It’s not coming quick enough!”, ” Why haven’t I gone further?”, “What am I doing wrong?”, “When will I finally reach ____?”

I often hear clients expressing these frustrations.  However, when I encourage them to reflect back to when they started the coaching process, or when they started their spiritual journey, they are often amazingly surprised.  As they focus on where they were  10 years ago, 2 years ago, even 6 months ago, they are astounded just how far they have come.  How much healthier they are, how much happier they are, how much their relationships have improved, how much the HAVE accomplished.  By the end of that session, they have completely shifted from frustration to gratitude and optimism.  And from that vibration, they are ready to tackle the next step in their evolution with more energy & excitement.

Remember friends, it is never done.  You will always have a new desire to improve, grow, expand.  So, when you are feeling frustrated with where you are and noticing that dip in your vibration, take some time to reflect back on just how far you have come.  Appreciate all the ways you have grown spiritually and otherwise.  Then take a moment to imagine just how much more you will grow in 6 months, 2 years, 10 years as you continue to commit to this path!

And also remember, what you focus on grows.  So, the more time you spend appreciating just how far you’ve come, the more the universe can support you in expanding further, providing you with even more to appreciate!

It has come to my attention that quite often people are unaware of the difference between sharing your feelings with another and dumping your feelings on another.   Sharing your feelings can serve you greatly.  Dumping rarely does.

 Let me start by reiterating that it is healthy and vital that you feel your emotions when they come up vs. pushing them down.  They do need to come out.  Emotion= energy in motion.  You want it to move, not stay stuck.  That being said, what you do with that emotion when it comes up is very important if you want to experience more peace, wellbeing and power in your life.

Emotions are an indicator as to where you are vibrationally and whether your ego is at the forefront or your authentic self.  Any negative emotions (those below the line on the Emotional Scale) you experience are just an indicator of thoughts and ultimately a belief system that is not serving you.  Emotions, thought they may be triggered by something outside of you are never actually about anything outside of you.  They are based on your beliefs, perceptions, interpretations of that situation.  When you keep your focus on blaming and judging others, you have now just given all of your power away.  You have no control over others & what they do.  You have 100% control on how you perceive the situation and if you choose to take it personally or not.

One of the core principles of true empowerment is taking 100% ownership for your thoughts, beliefs and emotions.  This includes releasing your emotions in healthy ways (I recommend kick boxing or chopping wood!) and responding to others in loving, respectful ways.

Dumping your feelings on another happens anytime you share how you are feeling from a place of blame, judgment, disapproval, needing them to change for you to be ok etc.   It’s literally dumping your emotions on to the other person.  In this space your wellbeing is at the whim of the outside world and vibrationally you are no where near solution, connection or awareness. In addition, you have just dropped the other persons vibration in the process making it even more difficult to find a common solution.

Sharing your feelings, on the other hand, is about sharing what is going on for you.  Stating that something that has happened has triggered an emotion in you that is not serving you and that you are committed to cleaning up your vibration (not the other person’s actions!).  It is often better to do this with someone objective and supportive (rarely the person who you are feeling negatively about).  Then, after you have made peace with what is and are in the realm of solution, you are in a powerful space to return to that person who triggered you to calmly and respectfully work on a solution that may work for both of you.  From this place, your power is within, your vibration is higher and the likelyhood of solution has increased exponentially. 

So, ask yourself next time you get mad and want to let someone have it…. is this serving me in getting effectively towards solution in an empowering, loving way?  (hint: the answer is always NO)  Instead, do the inner work to move up the scale to peace.  Then if you still feel it is relevant to discuss the situation, come from respect and love.  You catch more bees with honey.

(taken from Expand Your Joy! Monthly E-newsletter.  To learn more about this e-newsletter and Expanding Joy Community, click here )

Feeling stuck?  Whether you are feeling stuck in a job you don’t like, unsure of how to improve your relationship, frustrated because you are at a plateau with your weight loss, or just don’t even know where to begin in removing all this emotional baggage you are becoming aware of on your spiritual path.   Feeling stuck is a natural part of the growth process.  Frustrating…. but natural.

First and foremost.  Let yourself off the hook!  Love yourself right where you are and know that this is normal.  If you are in “I’m a big failure” mode, you are no where near the solution you are looking for vibrationally (see latest blog entry: Finding Solution, for more details on this step)

Then after you have reached acceptance and peace with where you are, a powerful tool you can ALWAYS use is:

Ask Your Higher Self for Clarity/ Guidance

Your Higher Self has already gleaned all kinds of powerful awareness and clarity from this experience and the only reason you feel so frustrated & stuck is because you (physical you)  are still focused on the issue at hand that caused the opportunity for clarity and your Higher Self is already in the vibration of the solution.   And when you are not a match to your higher self, it is uncomfortable!

So, if you can’t see the solution, JUST ASK! Ask your Higher Self for clarity on this situation and surrender into an allowing state.  Then the Universe can start bringing different tools, techniques, ideas, and circumstances to you in all kinds of ways to provide the solution you are looking for.

Remember, you are always supported.  Your Higher Self is always geared up to support you when you are ready.  1st – Acceptance/Loving Yourself.  2nd – Ask  for Clarity/Guidance. 3rd – Allow the Universe to bring you signs and act on them when they come!

It’s a common scenario… you wake up with an intention of everything that you want to get done for the day. It’s a long list, but you sike yourself up. The day is planned out and you know you can get through most if not all of the items. You visualize checking off each item with glee and celebrating with a glass of wine and nice book at the end of the day. Accomplishment feels good.

Then you turn on your computer and notice… something is wrong. You try Microsoft Word and it doesn’t want to open. So you close that program and try opening your email, but the program doesn’t respond. Now you are starting to go into panic… 9 out of 10 things you need to accomplish today require your computer. Now the Ego starts to roll with the fear. What if it crashes? When was the last time I backed everything up? Who am I going to get to fix it? How long will it take? What if I am without a computer for many days in a row! I need this computer!!! The anxiety kicks in big time and before you know it you have moved the scenario in to full blown catastrophe!

From this place of anxiety, you start trying everything you can…delving into that little bit of computer knowledge you have. By some miracle, the computer will let you open files and so you start saving documents to a USB thumb drive feverishly with fear of them disappearing into cyberspace at any minute. And then half way through saving the most important file on the computer, it just stops! frozen. Impending doom sets in. You are now an hour further off your plan for the day and no where closer to a true solution to the issue. You could easily stay the whole day in this energy of fear. Trying different things, calling various friends and support personnel all of which seem busy, or transfer you to the wrong department. This drama could continue for a day, a week, or more.

OR…. you could stop at any point, breathe, and ask yourself a very important question. “Where am I creating my life from right now… Fear or Possibility?”

Where are you on the Emotional Scale right now? ( To see the scale, open the Emotions Guide now. For more info on the Emotional Scale, check out the Emotions Guide Teleclass)  That panic dropped you right down to the bottom of the list from Hope/Possibility at the beginning of the day to Disempowerment/Hopeless/Helpless. So, at that energy level, are you anywhere close to the energy of the solution you are looking for? Not even slightly. Most actions you to fix the problem at this point will reflect your fear energy causing you to draw more problems in instead of solutions.

So, what to do instead? 1st you need to go on an emotional journey. If you are in panic, then you may be able to reach up the emotional scale to anger, then frustration. After you’ve given the computer a good chewing out, then keep on moving. Make peace with the situation. You may need to walk away… do the 1 thing on your list that doesn’t require a computer. Go sit outside for a moment and listen to the birds and breathe. The issue is there, and you can’t change it right this minute. You can only change your perspective. While sitting there breathing and enjoying the warm sun, you might find that you remember your computer savy friend always telling you 1st and foremost to try shutting the computer completely down. So you take that action, then go back down to sit and breathe. In that space you might also remember that your friend mentioned that he has an extra computer, so you could always borrow his for a while if yours needs to be fixed. Then as you give off the energy of possibility more consistently, you remember that 5 of the 10 things you need to do are on the internet and don’t require your computer specifically. So, could easily be done on your friend’s computer. Maybe you could meet him for lunch to pick it up. It would be nice to visit with him anyway. And then you realize the 4 other things you wanted to accomplish don’t have to happen today and if they need to wait a few days it wouldn’t be the biggest deal in the world. So, actually all is well, nothing major to worry about here.

Feeling much better you head up to your computer to turn it back on knowing that either way you will be just fine. And big surprise, it turns on just fine. You have this strong sense that Microsoft Word is the culprit since it was acting up yesterday (something you hadn’t thought of in panic mode), so you go straight to your internet and it opens just fine and dandy. You get the 5 internet things done and checked off your list before your lunch with your computer savy friend (who of course was available and happy to offer you his computer while he looked at yours to figure out what was going on). And on the day goes….

You cannot find solution from the energy of panic or fear. If you want solution, you need to make the emotional journey 1st. Save yourself the time, energy, and grief. It is so worth it.

With all this talk about emotional pain, I thought it pertinent to send out a little reminder to not get too serious about all of this. Releasing emotional pain and identifying old fear-based beliefs are very important to becoming an effective Conscious Creator, but they are just one aspect. Another very important part of Consciously Creating your life is Raising your Vibration.

Raising your vibration means practicing techniques that move you into the allowing state of consciousness of your higher self on a more consistent basis. In plain terms… it means doing things that make you feel better! The higher self doesn’t experience emotions like we do but lives in various states of Consciousness that have no opposite. These various States of Consciousness include Joy, Peace, & Love. (The duality of love/hate, joy/sorrow is only for our human experience.) What’s the common denominator in all these states?… they feel good! Every time you take a nice walk on a clear spring morning, or play in the puddles with your children on a rainy day you are now a vibrational match to your higher self.

So, why is this important? Think of your higher self as the orchestrator of all your desires. In order to align with the people, circumstances, ideas and inspired actions that will guide you to the life of joy, passion and purpose you are wanting to create, you need to hear the nudges of that inner voice to go this way, talk to that person, etc. To really hear your authentic self clearly, you have to be on the same high frequency. Good feelings are your indicator you are a vibrational match to your higher self.

So, what steps are you taking this week to feel better and become a match to your higher self? Are you taking time to smell the daffodils, or play with your dog? Are you taking time to meditate, center or do another spiritual practice that brings you peace? Are you making laughing a priority? If not, maybe it is time to reexamine your priorities.